Tfw you want to fight a guy so bad you pretend to join his gang, find an ally to work with, manipulate everyone and everything that moves just so you can have alone time with him, perform a dramatic shirt-off in front of him, and get ready for the ultimate schwing when your ally suddenly betrays you, your target is unable to fight, and your climax goes into the negatives so damn hard.
what they say: oh how can you ship that, one of the characters is a bad person, are you a survivor using the ship for coping?
what they mean: i have little to no understanding of how fiction works and how people interact with it. i genuinely believe enjoying actions in fiction means condoning them in reality, and i don’t have any understanding of the transformative nature of fandom. i think it’s my job to go around to people i don’t even know and demand they submit their extremely personal history of trauma to me so that i might decide if they are Traumatized Enough to be permitted to enjoy their fictional content. and by logical extension, if someone is unwilling to submit to this query of their background or if they *aren’t* Traumatized Enough, then they are a Bad Person and I will start a hate campaign against them about how they get off to IRL abuse/rape. and i’ll pat myself on the back as i do it because i’m more Pure than they are, i am a Better Person, and that insulates me from having to do any critical thinking about fiction in my entire life. (also i am lowkey jealous that fandom enjoys things that i don’t like so i’m just THRILLED to have an excuse to shit on the people who like the thing that i don’t.)
“Gauguin was telling me the other day—that he’d seen a painting by Claude
Monet of sunflowers in a large Japanese vase, very fine. But—he likes
mine better. I’m not of that opinion.”– Vincent van Gogh, 1888
Bouquet of Sunflowers (detail), 1881, Claude Monet
Millais, John Everett. Ophelia. Detail. 1852. Oil on canvas. Tate Gallery, London, England.
Imagine your icon running into the ocean only to be promptly hit by a wave and knocked over.
Whenever I see a post on tumblr suggesting aliens don’t have gender, I always think–‘but what if also the reverse. What if aliens also have some fundamental social construct we don’t’.
Like, they come and meet us and they’re like ‘hey this is an awkward question but what’s your gooblebygark?’
And we’re like what.
‘You know, the… the thing. Your goobledygark. The thing that dictates whether you’re gnarfgnoovles or brubledoopes’
What. What. What the fuck, those words don’t even mean anything??? What are you talking about?
‘Look, your ridiculous human languages don’t seem to have the words for these! But they’re totally a thing, they’re like, fundamental aspects of social life for our species, just… just let us lick you so we can know what verb tense to use when we speak to you.’
What does one thing have to do with the other??? That makes no–
‘UGH, nevermind, you’re totally brubledoopes, I can just tell, I don’t even need to taste your bacterial skin colonies.’
And then another alien overhears and is like ‘holy shit, you can’t stereotype like that, that’s SO NOT COOL’
‘yeaH BUT THEY WON’T LET ME LICK THEM’
I will now think about this a lot
EY FATTY BOOM BOOM 