The signs as Shakespearean insults

reallyshittyzodiacposts:

Aries: “I do desire we may be better strangers”

Taurus: “You scullion. You rampallian. You fustilarian. I’ll tickle your catastrophe.”

Gemini: “Thou art a boil, a plague sore, an embossed carbuncle in my corrupted blood.”

Cancer: “There’s no more faith in thee than a stewed prune.”

Leo: “Thou art as fat as butter.”

Virgo: “Peace, ye fat guts.”

Libra: “Thou cream-faced loon.”

Scorpio: “You, minion, are too saucy.”

Sagittarius: “A weasel hath not such a deal of spleen as you are toss’d with.”

Capricorn: “Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch.”

Aquarius: “Your virginity breeds mites, much like a cheese.”

Pisces: “Thou leathern-jerken, crystal-button, knot-pated, agatering, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish pouch.”