Analysis of NaruGaa
angelcamael sorry it took so long for me to write this T_T
-.-.-
I actually ship NaruGaa/GaaNaru quite a bit because their relationship is so beautiful >.< They have so many moments and understand each other so well.
To start talking about NaruGaa you have to talk about their deeper understanding of each other. Even NaruSasu/SasuNaru don’t have as deep an understanding (at least until the end, at chapter 699) of each other as Naruto and Gaara do almost instantly. They didn’t have to fight each other and have hundreds of chapters of drama to reach that understanding. As soon as they understand their shared past they understand each other. And Naruto desperately tries to reach out to Gaara to help bring some light into his darkened world and it works.
I’m sure we already know but for the sake of the analysis let’s go back into their shared past here:
- Both are jinchuriki which means they already can assume so much about their pasts that other characters can’t really comprehend. Being hosts to demons means they were hated. That hate cannot simply be understood by just anyone. Even people who understand loneliness (every other person in the Naruto universe understands loneliness though to be honest) can’t comprehend the hate. You can be alone but can you understand being alone and hated? Treated like a monster that you don’t understand? That degree of separation from society is something no one but jinchuriki can understand in the Naruto universe.
- I’m not saying loneliness isn’t a big thing to understand each other, I mean Naruto was so lonely he was making shadow clones of himself just to keep himself company. Loneliness is terrible and shared by many characters, including Naruto and Gaara, but the understanding of hatred is much deeper.
- Both were betrayed by people they trusted. Gaara’s uncle “betrayed” him very early on, or more specifically his father, but Gaara believed it was his uncle until pretty late on. Either way, Gaara loved his uncle and was pushed into a deeper hatred when that hate was pushed onto him. Naruto was betrayed by Mizuki in chapter 1 who used him to get Konoha’s hidden secrets scroll.
- Both understand what it’s like to have a demon inside of them, what it’s like to have their power go haywire. For Gaara this happened a lot, but for Naruto it only happened a few times. It happened and in the process he hurt his master, Jiraiya, and so many other situations.
- Because both understand how deep their loneliness, how deep the hatred people showed to them went, and how hard it is to be betrayed, both value their relationships in a way others can’t comprehend. Naruto values every bond he has so much he can’t let go of Sasuke because it would mean losing someone he grew to care for, something that is so rare for a jinchuriki, something he had to strive so hard for. Naruto and Gaara may not show it on the outside but inside their intensity for love in a relationship is insanely high. They will love too much, be very vulnerable, frankly both will be needy in a way that others would have a difficult time comprehending but the other wouldn’t. Because they went through the same situation, they know.
Okay so they have a past understanding right? We agree to that.
Now think about their battle in which Gaara changes his ways. Naruto realizes that Gaara has been struggling and living like him this whole time. This is huge for Naruto because Naruto is someone we know who isn’t exactly the smartest needle in the haystack. He has a hard time understanding other people, and he doesn’t even begin to understand Sasuke until he loses Jiraiya himself. It’s only after Jiraiya’s death that Naruto changes significantly and begins to understand others on a different level, and begins to forgive things he didn’t previously. But with Gaara he didn’t need someone he loved to die to understand them, he understood very quickly. He pushed Gaara out of his darkness by giving him hope. He told Gaara he could make friends. He gave Gaara inspiration to become the Kazekage and if that isn’t big I don’t know what is considering they only needed one conversation to get to that point. Naruto became Gaara’s first friend. If not for Naruto, Gaara would have suffered his entire life in loneliness without making the bonds he eventually made, he would never have found purpose or a way in life.
Gaara actually explicitly says this when Kankuro speaks to him, in a flashback to before he was Kazekage. Gaara tells Kankuro that he didn’t believe he had a meaning in life until he met Naruto, who taught him that he could change his life, that there was still hope. Watch here: . Prior to his fight with Naruto his belief was completely different, has he said to Naruto during their fight: “To them I’m simply an object from the past that they wish will disappear Then why do I exist? Why am I alive? When I thought about this I could find no answer. But as you live you need a reason otherwise it’s the same as being dead, I then came to this conclusion I exist to kill every human besides myself. Fighting only for yourself living while only loving yourself If you think that everybody else simply exist to allow you to experience that feeling nothing is better then that world. As long as there are people in this world for me to kill and continue to feel that joy of living my existence will not vanish.” You can see the difference in philosophy he gained from his fight with Naruto alone.
It goes even further during the Kazekage rescue arc where Naruto’s desire to rescue Gaara goes above and beyond, it takes priority over everything else instantly. In this arc we see Naruto’s perspective of Gaara and we see not only how much he understands Gaara but how much he loves him (whether platonically or romantically, it doesn’t matter, we can agree its love). Naruto is proud of Gaara for becoming Kazekage, even if a bit jealous. Moreover, he refuses to let Gaara go because despite his small jealousy his greater feelings towards Gaara is of someone who needs to be protected, someone who needs to be loved. He says this himself when he continuously talks about how Gaara is most alone, and compares himself to Gaara saying that Gaara always gets the short end of the stick. Naruto admits that over time he got people to care for him, but Gaara was alone all through. We don’t see Naruto understand any other character at the same level at this point in the manga – only Gaara.
Later on, Gaara becomes the only one to try to reach out to Sasuke aside from Sakura, Naruto and Kakashi – all members of team 7. He defends Sasuke and tries to reason with him, but makes it clear his first priority is Naruto. He tells Naruto that he considers him his friend – this is something Naruto needed to hear at that exact point in time. Naruto is angered after Gaara tells him to give up on Sasuke, and Gaara is momentarily taken aback by the rejection, but quickly comes to understand his bond with Sasuke better, and reinforces his own bond with Naruto by reminding him they are friends too – those words help Naruto to feel a little less alone when everyone around him is trying to kill his best friend. In doing so, they heal each other’s scars (admittedly, Naruto more for Gaara). Gaara even touches Naruto in a handshake near the end of the Kazekage arc, something rare as we rarely see Gaara touch anyone, he usually crosses his arms and avoids physical contact with people, his sand keeping everyone at a distance.
When confronted with Tobi, Gaara makes it clear he won’t let Tobi take Naruto – he doesn’t say “I won’t let you take the beasts.” Or “I won’t let you destroy the world.” He says “I won’t let you take Uzumaki Naruto!” To me, Gaara is saying Naruto is more important to him than the world, even though some argue that he’s just doing his job as Kazekage – I think it’s all about Naruto.
His speech to the Shinobi Alliance was beautiful and speaks volumes of his feelings for Naruto (again, whether platonic or romantic is unimportant, they’re still his feelings and just as valid). See this:
In case you missed it, he says
“But one leaf ninja stopped me… He cried for me, his enemy. He called me friend even though we had fiercely battled each other! He saved me. We were on different sides but we were both jinchuriki. There can be no bad blood between those who have experienced the same pain…… …… That friend who saved me is now a target of our enemy! If he falls into their hands the world as we know it is finished. I want to protect that friend……”
If I didn’t know better he’s basically confessing his love here, placing Naruto above much else.
Ohh but it’s not over yet. During the war Gaara vehemently defends Naruto, even scolding him like a child when Naruto puts himself out there, putting himself in danger.
I’m always intrigued by the fact that Gaara doesn’t marry in chapter 700, what does that mean? I like to think he never got past Naruto and has a hard time trusting anyone else as much, save for his own siblings.
Gaara clearly cares a lot for Naruto and its reciprocated, Naruto cares a lot for Gaara. But it’s not just that they care about each other – it’s that they care about each other more than themselves, more than others (maybe not everyone, but certainly most people). It’s their deep respect and understanding of each other. It’s their shared love for the bonds they have, for the need to protect their loved ones, their need to bring peace and their potential as leaders. They are canonically amazing friends based on everything above, and if you can’t be amazing friends you probably can’t have a great romantic relationship either. Naruto and Gaara definitely could, they would be great for each other because of things that only the other could understand, and because they already love each other.
Tag: long post
was fanfic any different in the Olden Days
OH BOY AND HOW. So I am not So Much Of An Old that I was around when print zines were the thing. I got into fanfic-type fandom through the internet. But here are some changes from the late 90s to today:
– In slash fandom, there were a lot fewer main characters written as expressly queer. There was a lot of (in retrospect) very teeth grindingly annoying “We’re not gay we just love each other” type romances.
– Fic was mostly distributed via mailing lists (email), not by web archives, although some mailing lists also would web archive their stuff. People tended to be more monofannish because you would just participate in the list — people are more multifannish now because we follow specific people through their blogs and get introduced to their other interests, but this didn’t happen as much back in the day. People were definitely still multifannish, though. I’ve always fandom hopped.
– The aesthetic was very different. A lot of older fanfic reads in ways that were more influenced by profic romance novels, whereas modern fanfic has sort of its own, more realist style. (TBH there are also a lot more realistic/pomo style romance novels these days as well.) The stuff from the early 2000s, in comparison to 90s and earlier fic, and in comparison to modern fic, tended to be more experimental stylistically. Overall, fic tended to be longer, but also more uniformly long. There weren’t really many of those 200k monsters either.
– Not a lot of postmodern type fic conceits (i.e. stuff like the one where steve and bucky watch all the movies made about captain america while steve was in the ice, or SGA fic told through excerpts from academic papers, etc.) Early 2000s fandom went through this weird magical realism phase, also.
– In our headers, we used to measure story length in file-size, not in word length. I think this change came about in the early 2000s.
– Real Person Fic was like, not even discussed. It had its own mailing list where we kept basically all of it, and you didn’t mention it in polite company. Then suddenly in 2000-2001 all these legitimate people got into NSync fic. But before that, it was pretty taboo in a lot of fannish circles.
re: point one, there was also an enormous amount of time spent on characters agonizing over being attracted to other men. like, i was reading something a while back that was actually written in 2003 but by someone who’d been in fandom for a long time and obviously hadn’t changed their aesthetic much, and the first time the pairing started making out, one of the guys suddenly had to stop—and i thought it was gonna be like, traumatic memories, or just general intimacy issues, or whatever. but it was because it was ~all too new~ and he had to take a few more days to adjust to the whole gay thing.
oh and then along the same lines you had guys running out to try and have sex with women and fail, or have sex with women but find it so unsatisfying, before ultimately admitting that they wanted this particular dick. also, considering the prevalence of WNGWJLEO, it was oddly mandatory to point out at great length how much each character never really loved his previous female partners.
basically fandom now, at least the well-written part of it, is a million times less homophobic and biphobic and, believe it or not, misogynist. obviously there were always exceptions, especially with the really good writers, and especially as you move into the late nineties. but as a rule, so much improvement.
oh, and every love confession required a full name. Firstname Middlename Lastname, I love you. where does that even come from, seriously?
i will give them this—there was a lot less badfic that was technically bad, like, unreadable and full of errors. shit got edited back in the day. someone was gonna pay money to print five hundred copies of that and they did not want your terrible spelling to fuck it up.
oh, and not related to anything else, but: usenet! usenet was a super important venue for many fandoms. this actually continued well into the 2000s for certain fandom circles—not slash-focused media fandom in general, but there was a lot of overlap. i was reading alt.tv.angel during season two, and there were fic writers i recognized posting there. and of course earlier on, the alt.startrek.creative.* groups were central.
Random things I want to add based on my admittedly-hazy memory:
– elaborate ascii headers/footers/dividers on fic, which were mostly txt files (or bare-bones text-only pages to save archive space) I think?
– faking ages to get access to the adult stuff (which could get complicated depending on what country you were from and what country the admin(s) were from). This sometimes involved emailing an age statement to the owner of a mailing list and them deciding whether or not to trust you (or how much they actually gave a fuck) before giving you the password to an archive or authenticating your whatever to access the whosit, I wasn’t entirely sure how it worked. Because I was fifteen at the time. Of course.
– There were people who were very adamantly ‘gay stuff is okay in fanfic but immoral IRL.’ Don’t ask me how that worked out logically, but it was a thing.
– DO NOT FORGET THE BEFORE-TIMES when there was no google and there were scattered archives everywhere, from ‘archive of [specific mailing list]’ to authors’ personal archives to pairing- or fandom-specific archives and the way you found a lot of them was like hoping aol or yahoo search would turn up something new? But on the other hand you had a fair number of folks who were twitchy about having webcrawlies being able to find their porn because fanfic was already kind of side-eyed and porny stuff even moreso.
– there were archivists who actively trawled mailing lists and authors archives and such to compile their own interest-specific archives, sometimes asking the authors if they could host a fic… and sometimes NOT asking. Cue: wank.
– OR you navigated WEBRINGS (which are like tumblr ‘networks’ I think? I don’t grok tumblr networks but ya’ll have fun with them, I’ll be over here in my rocking chair mmk) where there was essentially a master list of websites catering to a specific interest, sometimes with details but sometimes it was just a name and a link so you had no idea what you were clicking on half the time, you just knew it fell under category [thing the webring was about].
(…tbh, this was probably how I found out about slash, because of some X-Files or Pretender or maybe early SG1 webring, I don’t even know. I just saw “[fandomname] slash archive” and was desperate for new fic in [fandom] and hey presto “boys?? kissing?? GIRLS? KISSING?!! YOU CAN DO THAT? Ship things that don’t match what canon would expect you to ship?? oops now I have an exponentially greater amount of ships than I did before”)(given that description, it was probably stargate because there was a LOT of pretty to go around okay)
– let me TELL you about the recurring firestorm of wank that would rush through every goddamned fandom for at least a 5- to 10-year period there where someone would be like “all same-gender shippy stuff needs an NC-17 warning because that stuff is not okay for kids” and other folks would be like “can we not equate handholding to explicit PIV intercourse solely based on the genders of the participants” and holy jesus it was the EXACT same ugly nausea-inducing merry-go-round in at least six of my fandoms, which is why I am zero percent impressed with ‘family’ networks caving to that bullpockey because My People already hashed that out, get with the times, thanks.
– fanfic archives without search functions, where everything was just listed by date posted and sorted by pairing IF YOU WERE LUCKY. One sentence summaries with no tags, no warnings, sometimes no ratings. Sometimes no lengths (see above regarding length measured by filesize). Because everything was coded in early html and some folks just didn’t want to (or knew how to) code all that. This is why I give money to ao3, people. I REMEMBER THE BEFORETIMES.
– oh, and finding That Reccer whose tastes ran similar to your own and posted like 10+ recs a week? Like Santa and Baby Jesus came down from on high and showered glitter all over you before kissing you gently on the forehead and then disappearing in a double rainbow. (You think recs help you filter wheat from chaff NOW, it was all the moreso when you had to do all this hunting just to find stuff TO sort though)
– yes this was also before lj and wordpress and basically any kind of rich text editor-enabled blogging platform. Hand-coded html pages hosted on geocities with terrible font color choices and pixellated blinky tiled gif backgrounds, aw yus.
>midlevel-bofq jazzhands<
Accessibility stuff like the broad, daily use of trigger-warnings or tags of ANY KIND is a relatively new fandom behavior. Like 5-6 years ago, people were still having wars about if trigger warnings were ruining free speech or not (hint: they weren’t).
DISCLAIMERS
Your super elaborate headers usually stated that you did not own anything having to do with your canon and that you made no money off your fan fiction etc etc.
(I still own about dozen Yahoo mailing lists, one of which is fourteen years old and still gets a dozen or so posts a year—a sharp drop from its heyday but the corpse is still twitching so I keep the lights on over there.)
I am SHOCKED that no one has brought up the Ray Wars. When I was first in Buffy fandom, people told me stories about the Ray Wars that made it sound like ‘Nam. You could practically see their thousand-yard stare through the messageboard.
I just looked up the Ray Wars on fanlore, which I realize is also a comparatively speaking recent addition to fandom culture.
ponnearponfarrponwhereveryouare:
(x)
I think this is pretty misleading. I can’t comment on the top two characters, since I haven’t seen the original or Next Gen since I was little, but I know that Kira Nerys and Katherine Janeway had episodes where they were made out to be more sex objects than characters. Also, you kinda forgot all about Seven of Nine in this picture.
On the opposite side, which I can’t comment on the sequel since I haven’t seen it yet, but I know in the “original” remake, Uhura was still a pretty strong and independent character. Yes, you see her in her underwear once. Big deal. Yes, they did have a character just for the sex appeal. You didn’t see her after that scene, and it wasn’t really that focused on in the scene.
I’m not trying to debunk all sexism in the world of cinema, but before you attack a series/movies because of a few scenes, you may want to do some research into what you’re attacking…Um, nope, sorry, I was trying to let this go but such blatantly false information can’t be spread.
The only time Kira came even close to being portrayed as a sex object was when it wasn’t actually her – i.e. when her form was used in Bashir’s holoprogram in ‘Our Man Bashir’, when Vic used her image to make Odo more comfortable romancing the real Kira in ‘His Way’, and Intendant Kira from the Mirror Universe (which doesn’t even count really, because she used her sexuality deliberately, as a weapon).
In the rest of the series we see her in a bikini once and she’s clearly uncomfortable with it, and hidden by fog, the rest of the time she’s in tasteful casual clothes or her uniform.
And Captain Janeway as a sex object? I’m sorry what? I literally cannot think of an example. Maybe when Q appears in her quarters while she’s having a bath?
Even then there’s a huge difference between having a female character semi-naked (which in the series we usually saw like, her shoulders or back) and what the reboot does to ALL of its female characters.
The entire point of this post wasn’t that the TV series were entirely devoid of sexism, but that its female characters were given important roles – including COMMANDING THE SHIP – while the most defining aspect of the reboot women is that they’ve all posed in their underwear for the audience to appreciate.
I talked about this more coherently during Reboot Week, including an entire post about the Carol Marcus Underwear Incident and the reasons new Uhura doesn’t live up to the same standard as the original.
I would have let your comments slide as yet another personal willing to let this bullshit slide because ‘the women only showed up in their underwear once!’ except for THIS inflammatory remark “before you attack a series/movies because of a few scenes, you may want to do some research into what you’re attacking.”
Because excuse you, but the person who made this graphic, not to mention all the people reblogging it because they agree with it, did a HELL of a lot more ‘research’ into the bullshit they’re calling out than you did.
Next time why don’t you think a little more about what you’re saying before you try to call people out? Because it seems to me that the only person who needs to do more research about this issue is you.
Not to mention the fact that all the women above, the pictures are of them in the captain’s chair, leading people, and that is the biggest point. Even when in uniform, with the damned little short sleeves, let’s point out that we never get to see a woman in reboot outranking a man, while in the original Treks we saw them as powerful leaders. That is the point of this post, as thevalkyriedirective said above; the way we are to see women, in older Treks as concomitant beings, while in reboot as sexually appealing objects.
THIS!
My goodness, this is the entire point of the graphic!
Saavik, Beverly, Nerys and Kathryn could all be sitting in their undies too, but they’d still be in the Captain’s chair, they’d still be in charge, and so far the reboot hasn’t given us women who are even close to their TV counterparts.
Uhura and Marcus above are both in scenes where they are seen in their underwear by a male characters without the woman’s consent. And each instance is depicted as playful or goofy as opposed to a violation of the woman’s agency. And THAT is the crux of the problem with NuTrek.
Kira and Janeway were certainly sexually desired, but their sexual agency was virtually always affirmed. IF a character were to stumble into seeing them in a private situation, it would be framed as a violation. Not “boys being Kirks” like the movies did.
And for all the leering fanboys, Seven of Nine’s story arc was actually ALL about respecting her agency in different aspects of her life. She had her agency first taken away by the Borg, but then also had to assert choice to continue to identify as Borg after being liberated and be respected for reconciling her experience as she saw fit. Turning her into a catsuit ignores the considerable nuance the writers took in developing her character.
It does get right down to the horrendous way in which JJ Abrams related to Trek and how he views women in general and in the context of Star Trek fandom. He’s said in interviews that he wanted to make his Star Trek something “wives and girlfriends” could enjoy. He didn’t see women as people who could enjoy the franchised. Just as people to placate just enough to not interfere with the “real fans”. He thinks of 60’s Trek as all about sex and cowboys, whereas Roddenberry always knew that those aspects were a means to an end, not an end in and of itself. In this way, the original Trek was largely inverted from JJ Trek. Just enough action and sex to lure in the boys to serve the hard science fiction storytelling, as opposed to just enough romantic follies to lure in the wives to serve the sex and explosion storytelling.
I was going to make a long and detailed comment, was composing it in my head, and then I read the comment directly above mine and has no need to say anything further. (yet still feel compelled to bloviate a bit, I guess.)
Star Trek’s basically not getting any more of my money until someone other than Abrams is at the head.
ITT an abridged version of why I hate JJ Abrhams (among other things)
NuTrek pisses me off so much because it had a lot of potential — the alternate universe gives us lots of room to play around and come up with new, exciting adventures for this crew, with lovely and talented actors and AMAZING special effects worthy of Star Trek — but it COMPLETELY disregards everything that make Trek so important and wonderful.
I like NuTrek as entertainment fodder but it’s one of those things I have to watch with my SJA blinders up because otherwise I just spend the whole time angry. I respect that it’s gotten a whole new generation of people into Star Trek — I know SO MANY people who got interested because of NuTrek and then went on to watch TOS, TNG, DS9, the original movies — but it’s inherent sexism (and the fact that I can’t recall off the top of my head any actual homosexual/bisexual characters) drives me up the wall.
TOS was groundbreaking and TNG continued that tradition. Yeah, there were problematic aspects within both of them (an unfortunate sign of the times in which they were made), but they were SO. IMPORTANT.
And honestly the most important thing NuTrek has contributed to society is introducing people to the older, more sensitive and culturally-aware canons.
Can someone print this whole thing out and mail it to JJ Abrams?
Let’s not forget that in the DVD commentary for Star Trek (2009) (which is full of awfulness), Abrams said that the whole reason for the bedroom scene was specifically so they could get Uhura in her underwear, not necessarily to advance the plot. How is that not objectification?
Rules for Dating My Daughter
I had some thoughts on the popular Feminist Father t-shirt that we’ve all seen floating around online
I need to show this to my dad. I know he means well but he’s still one of those parents that’s says “be the change in this world” and once I attempt it, his narrative shifts and all of a sudden I’m some sort of radfem because he doesn’t understand what I’m saying.
Both of my parents vowed to raise us better than my grandparents raised them and they did. The problem was that their insight kind of stops where mine picks up and takes off. This makes a really good point.
Unfortunately I’m still relying on other men to convince my dad of things I’ve been telling him for years. It’s been like that from day one and he’s never really figured that out.
Since you’re drunk, I think now is the perfect time to tell a story on tumblr. Would you like to tell one of the shark stories or explain why you’re terrified of swans?
FUCK. OKAY. So first thing frist I’m changing everyone’s name because these guys are my friends and I already messed one gy up because I drunkenly told this story to his cousin and now she holds it over him.
Anywyas this story is pretty fucking appropriate because we were drunk like 900% of the time when we were all living together so oviously I should tell it while drunk.
Anyways I used to be in a band. Im not telling ou our name because we suked. But ;yeahwe all lived together in this awesome ass aartment. It was this fukcing rad apartment that our landlord used to live in. It was literally the fifth floor of our building and it was the BEST. We fucking ruined that place.
Someone remind me to talk about the roommate that would drill holes in his wall after parties. Pr the kitchen fires. Or the fireworks. Or the time we made our neighbor set his bathroom on fire. Or the jakuzi that alkmost electrocuted our fired. We fucked up a lot there.
Anyways I had this one roommate well call him Paul. Paul was a fucking stock genius he works at a firm now but he made like $20k a year in college because he just fucking new how the market would go. He had somuch fucking cash and he was so fucking nice if you were short on rent or couldn’t afford food he’d spot you no questions I fucking love him full homo bvut only if he wants it Consent is important kids.
So yea Paul had mad cash but Paul also had a fucking problem. I mean we al had problems but Pauls problem was online shopping. Motherfucker loved online shopping. But only when he was drunk, and alwasy some crazy shit. Dude has like 3900 pairs of fucking nockoff wayfarers because he once bought a 4k box because bro you lose some you gotta have some spares you know? (I just rolled my eyes and it made me dizy and pukey don’t do that)
So befoer we all moved in together Paul was dating this girl. Total sweetie she really cared about him they ere fuking adorable as fuck. Any night we went out partying and she was with us she could stop him from doing stupd by distracking him with sexy. The problem was nights when she couldn’t go out with us because he woud do something stupid and buy some shit we never stopped him because he was a fucking ebay ninja. But his girlfriend would alway check his browser history when she came over nest to see if he bouth anything stupid. She go tmad at him about buying 60 shits online that weren’t even his size so he started to delete his browser history when he drunk shopped because he didn’t want her to get mad. Anyways they broke up it was super sad like they’re still pretty close but they just knew they weren’t going to work out you know like when youre dating someone and they like have different life goals fromou yeah that was what’s up.
So yeah when we all moved in together Paul was deleting his browser history when he bought shit so we never knew he bought something until it fucking showed up at our place. THis is one of those fucking times.
So I come home from class and outside our apartment is a UPS truckand not like one of the normal UPS trucks like a fucking trucker truck this shit is massive and there’s’ two dudes in front of our bjuilding with this bosx tha’ts bigger than the both of them combined and I’m just like oh fucking no please dear god please baby jesus no and they’re like are you Paul and I literally swore at the sky I don’t even bleive in god I was just so fucking mad fuck. So I sign for the package because I’m only mostly a douche not a complete douche so anyways this box is 8 ft loong 3 ft tall and 4 ft wide it’s fucking big
So our apartment on the fifth floor the only two ways to get to it were an elevator and our fire escapes and I wasn’t getting this shit inside alone so I literally sit on our stoop for an hour until two of my roommates show up and they go get a rope and we fucking make this bullshit pulley sistem to pull it up to our balcony and then we barely get it in and we’re standing in our living room like three dicks just staring at this box because it’s addressed to “fukc you” but it’s our apartment on the label so it clearly belongs to someone or someone’ mailed us a comically large bomb and ewre all going to die. So two more assholes show up and they’re just as confused and thena couple girlfriends showed up and suddenly there’s 7 people in this apartment staring at a box like what is this shit.
So Paul gets home and sure fucking enough it’s his fucking box. So he goes and gets a box cutter and opens that fucker up and holy shit we were unprepared for what was inside.
So totally related fun fact: if you catch a shark you can’t keep it. However you can take pictures and measure it and take them to those people that stuff dead things I forget their names anyways you take them to these guys and they will make you a fiberglass replica of the shark and you can mount that fucker up on your wal all day long fuck yeah.
So Paul opens this box and starts digging through the fucking packing peanuts and he makes this face because he’s just caught something and he pulls up a fucking fiberglass shark by it’s FUCKING MOUTH and all of us are just like what in the everloving fuck is going on and he’s just like oh so that’s what I bought like literally NO FUCKING REACTION TO THE FUCKING SHARK HE IS HOLIND BY THE MOUTH. So yeah we all kinda laugh it off and we’re like this is going up in here this is awesome and he just looks at us with the most serious face ever and he’s like no this is going up in my room and we all laugh because how the fuck is that going to work but then he drags the fucker down the hall and forces it through his doorway and we’re all like okay and everyone goes to their room to either study or fuck and that’s all I hear about it for like 2 months.
So jumping forward we’re moving out because some of the people in that apartment got real jobs and abandoned us anyways we’re going around and looking at all of the damage we’ve caused and like holly shit someo f it is bad. We get to the kid next to Pauls room and I almost shit my pants.
Brad was the dude in the room next to Paul and let me tell you Brad was ALWAYS high like I bet good money his first words were bruh or some shit. Best bassist I’ve ever met though. Anyways, we get to Brad’s room and I walk in and staring directly at me is a fucking shark head. Aparenlty when Paul trie dhanging the Shark up he predictably got drunk first then also predictably got annoyed with how hard it was and smashed it through the wall. Brad probably didn’t notice for a week.
So I’m like what the fuck is this shit and Brad’s like oh yeah thats Duke like he named the fucking shark coming out of his wall.
So have any of you ever been to a frat party? Hae you ever heard a dude sk a girl if she wanted to see his fish tank? It was always bullshit but it was a reason for them to head back to his room and bone. That’s waht Brad was doing with this fucking shark. He would ask girls he was hitting on if they wanted to see a shark head and then they would smoke a bolw and fuck.
Anyways it takes all six of us to get this fucking shark out of the fucking wall and we find out our apartment is’nt up to code because there’s literally one stud in the wall anyways whatever not important because we broke the fucking shark and Paul cried and we all agreed to never live together ever again because we were drunken messes.
read it. read it all.
Theo and Beau, the adorable toddler and his loving dog who have achieved viral fame for taking daily naps together, are now joined by their baby sister Evvie for their sweet afternoon siestas.
“Shut up! He’s not dead! I healed him! He’s gonna wake up any second now!" (Diamond is Unbreakable)
EY FATTY BOOM BOOM 