Okay so like, seeing the way that reylo is shipped made me realize something.
A vast, vast majority of the reylo blogs I see are 15/16/17 year old girls, and I can’t actually say I’ve seen any that aren’t that specific demographic. What that says to me is that the issue with Reylo isn’t teenage girls romanticising abuse, it’s with the way that romance is sold to young girls.
I consumed a lot of “girl” media when I was younger, I read so many YA romance novels. And I know that a lot of people are aware of this because of all the jokes about “brooding YA love interests” but it’s really obvious the way it bleeds over in the fact that young girls, when presented with this angry, abusive character, automatically interpret him as a love interest. They hear the “I can take whatever I want line” and there are so many similar lines that have been painted to them as swoon-worthy. Young girls are taught to see the anger and aggressiveness characters like Kylo display as attractive qualities- especially when combined with his conflicted nature, which shows them he’s in some way “redeemable.” The “save the angry misunderstood loner from himself” narrative is sold to teenage girls so frequently that it’s almost impossible not to look at the way Kylo talks to Rey and see dozens of books I read when I was a kid.
Everyone remembers Twilight, how young girls were crazy over it and thought Edward was the boy of their dreams despite him stalking and manipulating and abusing Bella, because he was painted as such a romantic, misunderstood character. It was obvious with Twilight, because it became so endemic and everyone read it, but how many adults can say they’ve read a romance novel targeted at teenage girls in the past five, ten years? Because, let me tell you, Twilight is not alone in painting abuse as love, it’s just a very famous (and, admittedly, somewhat extreme) example.
Even ignoring the whole possibly-incest part of reylo, which is an equally nasty aspect in and of itself but not something I feel I can or should talk about, the biggest problem I see with Reylo is that the writers wrote him in a way that was most likely meant to be scary and abusive and threatening, and young girls are interpreting that as romantic, and the issue I see with that isn’t the shippers themselves, for the most part, but the kinds of things that society paints as romantic to young girls. So, yes, absolutely call out reylo for its myriad problems, but remember also that a lot of shippers are going to excuse those problems cause they’re young and this kind of cruelty is what’s been sold to them as romance for a long time.
So, story time: in my tweens and teens, I
was really into an Australian fantasy author called Sara Douglass. I
read her first two massive trilogies upwards of eight times each in the space
of eight years, plus everything else of hers I could lay hands on, because I
loved her work to bits. Along with Anne McCaffrey, she was pretty much the
first SFF writer whose books I collected religiously – my very first foray into
adult fantasy novels, before I’d even heard of writers like Kate Elliott and
Robin Hobb.
I haven’t read Douglass’s work in years.
But I can tell you now, without doubt or hesitation, that pretty much every single relationship depicted in
those books is abusive and rapey as fuck, with every negative aspect pretty
much continuously excused in the narrative Because He Loves her. Like, these
books are MESSED UP, and adult!me is horrified by it.
But I didn’t know that when I was twelve.
I didn’t know that when I was nineteen, even. But I know it now, and it
retrospect, it chills me to recall that, when I first read Kate Elliott’s King’s Dragon aged fourteen or so –
which is to say, at a point where Douglass’s works were my internal template
for fantasy everything – I struggled to understand how a character that Elliott
had purposefully and clearly written as abusive was, in fact, a villain. Hugh
is an abuser, a rapist, and deeply manipulative, but he’s also described as
beautiful, and he wants the heroine, Liath. He’s portrayed as tormented by how
much he wants her at times, and in other contexts, we see him do good deeds,
which… is basically the template for every.
single. one. of Douglass’s romantic heroes. And as such, I remember reading
Elliott’s books and feeling deeply conflicted, because even though I was
intimately in Liath’s perspective – she hated Hugh! feared him! loathed him! –
a part of me kept wondering at what point the narrative was going to redeem him
or push them together, because that’s what I was used to.
Anne McCaffrey’s books were another early
source of the same problem. I mean, there’s a lot to love about the
Dragonriders of Pern, but it entirely escaped my teenage notice (for instance)
that F’lar literally uses the word ‘rape’ to describe his sexual relationship
with Lessa in the first book, which the story treats as totally fine, or that Kylara being a victim of domestic violence
was maybe not okay, instead of a
thing she somehow deserves for being mean to Brekke. So that when I finally did
start reading authors who portrayed abusers as complex characters who were
nonetheless unquestionably abusive, I had no narrative frame of reference with
which to interpret that information. At times, I’d even feel frustrated that a
particular story wasn’t doing what I’d anticipated – why wasn’t the heroine
together with that guy? Why had the narrative set them up romantically, then
dropped him off the board?
Answer: because the story hadn’t been setting them up
romantically. The story had, in fact, been at pains to establish the dude’s
abusiveness; I just didn’t know to call it that until I started reading authors
who clearly, loudly debunked the tropes – authors like Robin Hobb and Kate
Elliott, whose books I still read today; who I’m lucky enough to have met, even
– that sustained my misapprehension.
So, yeah. While there’s a lot of YA and
SFF around right now that’s perpetuating the same problems, and especially in
media directed at teenage girls, it’s not a new problem. Which is why we still
need to discuss it.
So, yeah… partly inspired by @elizabethminkel and @flourish of @fansplaining talking about the Year In Fandom in their most recent episode, I maaaaaay have gone kind of bonkers overboard in trying to do a “quick” stats look at what was popular this year. 🙂 A few notes below the cut.
so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!
here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:
disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.
sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.
so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—
here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:
it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.
so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.
EXCEPT, OF COURSE:
you have to pay for pay per view.
so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”
AS A FAMILY.
and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.
“i received the tv bill today,” my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. “does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?”
as a reminder, a quick table survey:
my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography
silence.
my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”
silence.
my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.
my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”
WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?
“don’t expose my kid to that crap.”
DON’T
EXPOSE
MY KID
TO THAT CRAP
“if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room.”
I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
IN THE LIVING ROOM
but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?
are you fucking kidding
i did not want to go to porn prison
the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:
my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences
but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?
Even if you don’t have a cat please reblog this for all your followers who may have their own precious little baby.
I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT TUNA OMFG
If I remember rightly it’s the trace elements of mercury in canned tuna that is toxic to them. Their kidneys can’t filter it out like human kidneys can.
ok im gonna break this down a bit because some of these are BLATANTLY untrue and it kills me every time i see this.
alcohol: not very good for humans, either, but alcohol effects pets the same way it effects humans: targeting the brain and the liver. the issue? it takes way less to kill your cat than it does a human. you weigh, on average, at least 100 pounds (or 10x) more than your cat does. 3 teaspoons of liquour could kill your cat. don’t do it. alcohol WILL poison your cat.
chocolate:
theobromine (and to a lesser degree, caffeine) is the issue with this one. humans? we can break this down in our bodies. cats, dogs, birds, ferrets? they can’t. it usually takes a pretty big amount of theobromine to cause a pet to actually die, though. it’s present in cocoa, so the higher % of cocoa in a chocolate, the less needs to be ingested to cause serious, life-threatening effects. baking chocolate has a high concentration of theobromine and 1 square can kill a cat or small dog. white chocolate is a low risk, on the other hand. chocolate CAN poison your cat, especially DARK and BAKING chocolate.
caffeine: same story as alcohol: not that great for humans either, causes similar effects as in humans… just quicker and with less caffeine ingested. elevated heartrate, seizures, etc. can be seen. dogs and cats are more sensitive to the effects than humans are. caffeine WILL poison your cat.
dairy: cats are lactose intolerant and so their bodies cannot properly break it down– much like how we can break down theobromine and cats/dogs can’t. however, it’s not going to poison your cat, just give them diarrhea and other gastrointestinal upset. dairy WILL NOT poison your cat, but will cause gastrointestinal upset and diarrhea, so it is strongly recommended to not give dairy products to your pets.
fat trimmings: fat trimmings are just fat. if you feed fat to your cats, they will become fat and/or it will increase the level of lipids in the blood, leading to diseases and complications like chronic pancreatitis, which can be fatal. fat trimmings WILL NOT poison your cat, but will lead to disease that can be fatal, so it is strongly recommended to not feed fat trimmings to any pets.
raw meat: cats can eat raw meat. cats are obligate carnivores. cats are designed to only eat meat, and raw meat is not of serious risk to them. disease carried in raw meat? not a problem when you are a cat who has evolved over millions of years to eat raw meat. i hate hearing “cats can’t eat raw meat!” from people with outdoor cats. you realise your cats are eating raw lizard and bird, right? raw meat has more nutrients than cooked meat (which we eat veggies & fruits to compensate for– cats can’t digest these) and, obviously, there are some diseases and bacteria that cats aren’t immune to but cats are less likely to eat rotten meat than dogs are, anyway. treat the meat like you treat human meat and it’s totally fine. cats are DESIGNED TO EAT AND DIGEST RAW MEAT! IT’S PERFECTLY FINE TO FEED YOUR CAT RAW MEAT, but make sure that the meat is in-date and properly stored/cared for. rotten or spoiled meat CAN lead to disease and poisoning, but the same goes for 90% of the animal population!
eggs: its ok to feed your cat eggs. im not even sure why this is a question. raw eggs rarely carry salmonella and even humans rarely contract salmonella from infected eggs. your average cat will never contract salmonella from raw eggs, only in an immuno-compromised cat would this ever be an issue. cats can safely eat raw and cooked eggs, as salmonella is pretty much only a concern in an immuno-compromised cat in the first place.
fish: see raw meat above. fish, however, is a bit of an exception because of higher levels of mercury & low levels of taurine and differing balances of phosphate and calcium mean that it’s not a sustainable diet for cats and could lead to mercury poisoning or bone disease if it is the only protein given. when given ~1 time a week and with varied proteins there is no issue. again, cats are DESIGNED TO EAT AND DIGEST FISH AND OTHER MEATS! however, previous warnings about storing fish correctly still applies, and proteins should be varied due to fish having different levels of phosphorous, calcium, and taurine and mercury content. a primary diet of fish CAN lead to bone disease or mercury poisoning in extreme cases.
grapes and raisins: admittedly, this one is a bit of a wild card. some pets eat raisins/grapes without an issue, but in others, these can cause renal failure and death rapidly. we still don’t know why. animals with prior kidney issues are more likely to be effected by grape/raisin toxicity, and cats are more likely to have kidney issues due to many cats not getting adequate moisture in their diet. grapes and raisins MAY lead to poisoning in some cats and dogs, especially those with pre-existing kidney conditions.
onions and garlic: yes! all members of the allium genus (shallots, scallions, leeks, etc. are included) contain thiosulphate which, when ingested by cats and dogs, can lead to a serious condition in the blood known as hemolytic anemia. basically: their red blood cells burst. this can be fatal and a small amount of onion/garlic/etc. is needed to cause clinically significant issues. onions, garlic, and other members of the allium genus CAN and WILL poison your pet in even small amounts.
tuna: see fish above. canned tuna tends to be soaked in oil which leads to the same issues as fat trimmings in increasing lipid count in the blood. sashimi quality tuna will also have higher concentration of mercury and shouldn’t be consumed more than occasionally in the cat’s diet. canned tuna in oil is often too fatty and leads to the same issues as eating fat trimmings, however, tuna steak/sashimi/etc. quality tuna is the same as other fish: occasional inclusion in the diet is fine!
xylitol: relatively small quantities of this (an artificial sweetener) will cause a sudden drop in blood sugar in dogs, which can lead to comas, seizures, or death. many times, if they are not rushed to the hospital immediately, they will die, and even then, they may suffer permanent liver damage. however… cats are not adversely affected, and typically aren’t attracted to foods w/xylitol in it in the first place. xylitol is NOT likely to poison your cat, but small amounts can KILL your dog, moreso than chocolate!
TELL ME JAMIE. I DIDN’T SEND THIS ASK BUT NOW I’M CURIOUS.
*please forgive me*
1. the “i’ll race you / loser buys dinner” scene when they first meet
2. the pillow fight scene (RIP me) (actually that whole 24 hrs stuck together was never shown)
3. Killua looking at Gon when they’re eating with Kite
4. the golden chocorobots scene
5. Killua riding the horse backwards / leaning on Gon
there’s a bunch more “fan service-y” scenes (i guess??), but those are the ones right off the top of my head. 😀
it’s funny bc @godxspeed and i were just talking about how there is literally nothing to really… “ship” them with. it’s just their deep connection and friendship. there truly are no “GAY” scenes. (in the manga)
alright let me explain – bc this isn’t trying to disprove “killugon.” In fact, i think it shows a much, much deeper side, and how you don’t need physical acts or gaybaiting to prove their strong connection:
1. They know each other and can read each other better than anyone else.
Killua knows exactly how to push & inspire Gon.
I don’t know why they cut Gon’s part out, but he was concerned as hell about Killua’s gambling, knew that he was the type to self-destruct and got rid of the extra dice.
Gon knew Killua, and knew that his spirit had been manipulated just from hearing about what happened…they hadn’t even spent much time together at this point.
2. They think very much alike
3. Do not fuck with either one of them
they’re the anime version of Bonnie and Clyde for real
Seriously! I feel like the anime tends to go straight from the beginning bud of their friendship, to Killua being torn away from Gon, with very little in between on the emphasis of how well they worked together and how close they really were, only throwing in a few scenes where we see them actually working as a team or reflecting on one another, or the deep admiration they both had for the other’s skill and intelligence which may seem more arbitrary than the “deep, fond smile of true love” or some other more touchy feely fanservice type scene, but I think the way Togashi displayed the natural ease with which they dealt with each other showed much more in the way of their relationship. It made their friendship, and by large extension the personalities of the character’s themselves, more fleshed out.
Also, the anime tended to lean towards Killua’s point of view, casting Gon in an unreachable, unreadable, hero-type of light, which I believe is mainly responsible for the Killua-focused fanbase, thinking that Killugon is all one sided and even in part the view that Gon was abusive, when the manga showed both of them thinking and problem solving, and Gon’s reasonings and thoughts of Killua instead of just Killua reflecting on Gon’s actions. We get to see a lot more of Gon in the manga, and his motivations, especially when it comes to Killua, and the emotional side of their friendship. Anime Killugon was a lot more… Sappy-Killua-and-overbearing-Gon-yay-isn’t-the-gay-so-obvious while Togashi put more emphasis on subtlety and the natural development of an actual friendship.
EY FATTY BOOM BOOM 