revolution-avec-revolution:

Robespierre
Who wins: ???
The guy was, like, 5’2" and tiny. His glasses fall off as he’s attempting to deliver a roundhouse kick and he can’t see shit anymore, so you just leave him alone. Why are you trying to fight Robespierre, anyway? What are you getting out of this? You are reported to the Revolutionary Tribunal two days later.

Saint-Just
Who wins: Saint-Just
He isn’t called the Angel of Death for nothing. As well as having supreme stealth and agility, Saint-Just is known for his blindingly good looks, and you stop and stare at his gorgeous face just as he’s punching yours. You topple over and lie on the street for half an hour, his dazzling eyes ingrained in your memory.

Danton
Who wins: Danton
This guy is burly as fuck, and he will destroy you. But you should fight him anyway. Come on, do it. It needs to happen.

Marat
Who wins: No one
Marat’s just soaking in his bathtub, when suddenly, you burst through the door. Like what the fuck, why would you do that? He flicks disease-ridden bathwater at you. Just before you counterattack, Charlotte Corday stabs you from behind, runs over to Marat, and kills him too. She beat you to it, buddy. Better luck next time.

Camille Desmoulins
Who wins: You
Camille insists on talking about his day as you’re on your way to the Convention. He trips over his own foot and crashes into a lamp post. It’s no use, you think. There’s no point.

Hébert 
Who wins: Hébert
He curses like no other, he has no boundaries. Everyone wants to punch him at this point. You try to, but it’s too late. He jumps onto a table and starts throwing things at you, screaming obscenities as you run away in terror. He jumps onto your back pins you to the ground in an instant. Don’t fuck with Hébert.

Couthon
Who wins: No one
Look, okay, if your life has gotten to the point where you want to fight Couthon, you need to prioritize more. He’s paralyzed and is holding a small dog. How dare you, you filthy monster