aries: “bundle of nerves”
taurus: songfic
gemini: anal sex w/o lube
cancer: eye color compared to gemstone
leo: announced pov switches
virgo: spelled out moaning
libra: “weeping cock”
scorpio: mary sue
sagittarius: “ring of muscle”
capricorn: character’s appearance described in extreme detail
aquarius: obvious americanisms in british dialogue/excessive british slang
pisces: summary consists entirely of questions