John Green is a living refutation to the law of conservation of meaning. It is astounding. This man takes words which, by themselves, have meanings– perfectly good meanings, words which impart concepts or ideas which, when spoken to an English speaker, make understandable sense– and he manages, somehow, I have no idea how he does it, to arrange them in such a way that although they are grammatically correct, they mean absolutely nothing at all. Let me show you what I mean.
Read this sentence from the first page of his novel “The Fault in our Stars”:
Depression is a side effect of dying. Cancer is also a side effect of dying. Almost everything is, really.
What does any of this mean? The surrounding sentences gave little to no oh my god I really cant do this.
i was going to keep going and being honestly analytical but i couldnt possibly say anything to make you understand what i mean more than the sentence ‘cancer is also a side effect of dying’ on its own. just read that. just read those words, in that order,over and over. i cant take my eyes off it. fuck, look at it. look at this fucking sentence. this is an eldritch sentence. it’s like being in one of those rooms where all the walls are mirrors and seeing yourself reflected over and over infinitely. there’s not even an abyss of meaninglessness to gaze into because that would imply depth.
Aries: Hides above the doorway for 15 minutes to see her students reactions, and then jumps down causing a junior to pee himself
Taurus: frequently jumping on students desks to make points
Gemini: convinced a kid to steal from her car without him knowing to teach a lesson about Hitler
Cancer: cancelled class to steal things from the culinary room and make breakfast
Leo: Started doing parkour around the room using students desks
Virgo: spends an entire class period complaining about her brother, who hides from the government and lives on the road, and then attempting to FaceTime him
Libra: teaches an entire class from the top of a filing cabinet because no one was paying attention
Scorpio: Lowering Puppets down into the French Room from the ceiling, causing a disturbance
Sagittarius: spends her entire class period trying to teach her class how to whip a nae nae
Capricorn: pauses class to talk about her sister, who purposely fainted at her wedding so she would be the center of attention
Aquarius: paused class to show a vine causing a school-wide meme
Pisces: frequently comes into the French Room through the ceiling, only to ask for things like erasers or an extra pencil
ugh, like there is LITERALLY no canonical evidence for the ~han solo: space womanizer~ head canon. like, when he first meets the ONE female character in the entire series that he interacts with he is GROUCHY and SHOUTY at her, not sauve and dashing. she thinks he is a tool and tells him this multiple times. not really smooth and charming.
he then takes to following her around on Hoth and practically pulling her pigtails asking ” DO YOU LIKE ME? YES/NO? (PLS SAY YES)” with hearts in his eyes. (Chewie probably had to throw out like a HALF DOZEN old notebooks that were filled with awful power ballads/poetry/odes to her and “Mr. Han Organa” written in different fonts)
when it comes to the iconic ‘i know’ in response to Leia’s proclamation of love, Ford has stated that it’s out of PURE CONCERN for HER FEELINGS (“the point is that I’m not worried about myself anymore, I’m worried about her” – DIRECT QUOTE), it was NOT a ‘boss’ move or ‘so swagtastic it hurts’ it was an apology that he couldn’t be there for her, it was an attempt to make her smile, to make it hurt less than if he had said the words too and then was forced to leave her. (not that he would have been much help; remember that han solo spends the majority of the 3rd film mostly blind and feeble, unable to take care of himself and generally getting in the way while Leia Gets Shit Done)
when he does say the words, it’s with the most adoring and awestruck expression. those words are fused with more than just love and respect. he’s almost HONOURED that he gets to love this badass babe and that she allows him to exist in her orbit.
AND THEN he loves Leia so much that he’s willing to step aside so she can be happy with the man he believes she wants. and valuing a woman’s choices and feelings over your own is not exactly womanizing behaviour – so where did this headcanon come from??
EY FATTY BOOM BOOM 