“ohhh would you look at that, my pawns found jesus and now they’re all bishops”
“so i realize it looks like i’m putting a thimble on the board but actually my rooks have been using their downtime to build another rook, one that’s better, stronger, faster—”
“hey welcome back. while you left to get a snack, those six pieces you’d captured slipped their guards, tunneled to safety and emerged right in the middle of your royal palace.”
“oof, looks like you’ve got my king cornered…maybe this is a good time to mention that shortly before we started playing, my pawns and knights revolted and instituted a representative democracy. feel free to kill the puppet ruler that was the one remaining vestige of our tyranny, you cringing servant of the crown. vive la revolution!”
does anyone else ever unintentionally read a negative review of something you rly like and you have to consciously make an effort not to internalize it and trick yourself into hating the thing you loved 2 seconds ago
“How are you so calm?!” “I’ve passed beyond stressed, beyond hysteria, into the grey misty indifference of complete shutdown of all but emergency services in my brain.”
I know there’s a lot of talk abt how fuckin weird 2016 is but honestly I miss how finding weird shit affected me a few years back. like I remember finding a whole blog 100% seriously dedicated 2 shipping the evil guy and the platypus from phineas and ferb and that fucked me up for a whole month, that was all I could think about whenever I logged on to Tamblr Dot Com for an entire month. if I found it today I’d just be like “yeah that makes sense” and wouldn’t give it a second thought.
I don’t know why I pretended to not know dr doofenshmirtz’s name. I knew his name why did I lie to everyone
EY FATTY BOOM BOOM 